For years I’ve felt like I had no control over my life. I felt used and constantly pushed around. I recognized a pattern- I picked guys who I thought I could fix, but it ended up bringing me down. My high school boyfriend was abusive, had no car, no job, and no phone. I helped him get a job and would drive him around. It drove me crazy which I would take out on him and in return I would get mentally, emotionally, and physically abused. My next boyfriend had it together. He had a car, a job, he was handsome, and sweet. Then he got fired from his job, his car broke down, and he had no way to pay for his dorm room and food. I always wanted to help him so I would buy him food, lend him my car, and encouraged him to get a job. It was (and still is) a vicious cycle of getting his life together and it falling apart. Why do I do this to myself? Why do I keep putting myself in these situations? Boundaries. After 7 years I realized I didn’t have clear boundaries and I felt powerless. I didn’t want to leave him but I couldn’t continue to pay rent for him, loan him my car, buy his food, and pay for him to go out and have fun. I can’t change him but I can change what I allowed. I set clear boundaries about what I considered “helping” and what I thought was him taking advantage. If I had realized how simple it was to realize my worth and enforce it, I would have been happier from the beginning. Setting boundaries is easy. You have to realize what things people do that you don’t like and set boundaries so that they know you won’t allow those things to happen. Most things can be changed from within yourself. Allowing these thoughts to become part of your conscious mind will allow you to control your happiness.
Helpful Nurse 